I do think it is safe to say that I am not so good at this whole blogging thing. My health updates have been very few and far between, yet I suppose part of the reason is that there isn't much to update. When I began this health journey, I thought that it would be a quick and easy fix - everything else had been my entire life. Lyme disease has not been the case. In fact, it is a disease that, to some degree or another, I will deal with the rest of my mortal life. I suppose that's why it is referred to as a chronic illness. Though getting better, I still experience symptoms most days, and am sick and tired everyday. The key now (and, I suppose, forever) is learning how to manage it, which is something that I feel that Sam and I both have made significant progress with.
I started a new semester today taking 3 classes, 9 credits in total, which is one step up from what I've done this last semester. In addition, I am continuing work as a TA for BYU's American Heritage course, which I absolutely love. I drive with a handicapped parking tag, have accommodations with the University Accessibility Center, and carry a collapsible cane in my school bag with me so that, even if I am sick and my leg starts giving out, I can still get myself to where I need to be. I still am not cleared for strenuous exercise, which is a bummer, but Sam and I have worked out an arrangement where we will go to the gym together for Sam to run on a treadmill while I walk on one, after which we both do strength training. Exercise is something we would do together regularly before I got sick, so even though it's not exactly the same, it's so fun that I am finally well enough for us to resume one of our favorite couple activities.
I absolutely must give myself eight hours of sleep each night, at the very least, and go to bed no later than 10pm. I must eat healthy meals on a regularly basis and have plenty of snacks on my person anytime we go out somewhere longer than an hour. I must be on top of taking all the many medicine I'm prescribed and drink plenty of water each day. I swear, it feels as though I am a old lady already, but it's just how one with such a temperamental condition such as mine must live their life. Any matter of stress - physical, mental, or emotional - can cause my symptoms to act out and for my whole body to go out of whack. It's taken quite a while to get use to, but I think Sam and I have finally figured out the things that trigger my symptoms and learned how to avoid them from happening, and if they do happen, how to take care of me.
Probably one of the things I personally feel is most difficult with this disease is how unreliable it makes me. Integrity has always been a characteristic I highly value and though I want to follow through with all the plans or assignments I commit to, I sometimes can't, and that makes me feel so awful. I want people to be able to trust and rely on me, but how can they when I don't know how my health will be at any given time? It's a rare day when I can make it through all three hours of church, and I've had to cancel plans and postpone responsibilities far too many times than I ever wish to admit. I have the determination and drive to accomplish all the things I'm asked to, yet sometimes I can't due to the physical limitations before me. And that's frustrating.
For better or worse, I am grateful in this instance that God will not only judge us by our actions, but also by the desires of our hearts. I take great comfort in knowing that all I am asked to do is my best, and that my dear Savior, through His infinite atoning sacrifice, makes up all the areas where I lack. One day I'll be able to run and stay through all of church and live up to every commitment I make and work as hard as ever again; but today is not that day. Until then, I rejoice in the name of my God and his countless love and mercy that he bestows upon me every day - in my good times, and in my bad. He truly is the Messiah, the Living Christ, the Great Emanuel, the Good Shepard, the Prince of Peace. Let us all take a moment to rejoice in His great name and in the name of our merciful father who sent him. Take a moment to think of all the wondrous blessings they so freely bestows upon you and me every day, and let us be truly thankful to them. Even when things are hard, there is always an infinite amount to be grateful for.
Your blessed friend,
Makenna
