Today I would like to talk about an element of my disease called the herx reaction (which is a fun word to say - sounds like something that could be from a Harry Potter book).
As I explained in previous posts, the Borrelia bacteria that is the cause of Lyme disease only replicates every three weeks. When it does, it triggers my immune system to fight back. The Lyme bacteria tries to hide in my other cells, causing my immune system to attack itself and release neurotoxins to kill it off. I like to picture it as an epic battle going on in my body - with my anti-bodies and the borrelia bacteria each attacking one another. And, just like any battle, both the home team and the enemy face casualties and losses. Although it's ultimately a good thing that my body is fighting the disease so forcefully, it inevitably results in me getting a lot more sick before I get better. This is what the herx reaction is - the period of time where my body reacts to the battle going on and my symptoms get a whole lot worse.
Since I've only just barely started treatment, my hurx reactions usually last about two weeks. And since the bacteria replicates every three weeks, I basically have two weeks of really extreme herxing, and one week where I more-or-less feel normal. Repeat. And it's not necessarily entire days that are good or bad - it's more like hours in the day that are good and bad. It's unpredictable - I just have to roll with however I'm feeling in the moment. If I am fortunate to be feeling well, I know I need to savor the moment, because there's no guarantee how long it will last before I just collapse over with illness.
The good news is that the longer I undergo treatment, the less time my herx reactions will last. In a few months, hopefully I'll go to only one week of hurxing, and then two weeks of feeling well, and then half a week, until eventually I only have one bad day every three weeks. Now, many of you have asked me how long will this take? How long will I have to undergo treatment til I am basically normal again? The answer is unclear for the moment. It's too early to tell. The best situations take only three months - the worse take about two years. Although we are unsure for the time being, I imagine it will take at least another six months to a year for my disease to fully be in remission.
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I try to stay strong through all of this, but sometimes it is too much to handle. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed and burdened that I just feel broken and lost. The Lord promises that if we draw near unto him, He will draw near unto us (D&C 88:63). I try my hardest to keep his commandments and to do his will, yet so often when I feel I need him most, he is not there. In these moments of despair, my heart yearns for his companionship and the comfort of his love, and I think to myself, "Why, Lord? Why have you forgotten me?"
I had the opportunity to meet with my Bishop the other week and I shared with him this concern. He responded with an answer that comforted me so much. He shared the story of Christ found in John 21:3-6. Some of the Christ's disciples were out fishing. They struggled all night long with no success. It wasn't until morning that Christ showed himself unto them and blessed them with such a multitude of fish that they weren't able to draw them all in. It's not the Christ had abandon his friends or forgotten them, but sometimes we need to struggle before he can come to our aid. We want our God to be a first watch God, but in reality he is a a third watch God, knowing that there are vital lessons we need to learn in our struggle before he comes in and takes them all away.
A favorite quote of mine then came to my mind - "God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs" (Spencer W. Kimball). I know this is true, because the very day that I had this discussion with my Bishop, I was visited by my lovely friends in the Relief Society presidency who talked with me and made arrangements for meals to be made for me. Right after they left, Sam's cousin stopped by to visit bearing a "Lyme Care Packages" from his family back in Idaho. And these instances are so plentiful. Sam and I both have so many good friends who constantly call and check on us, come over to visit us, make us meals, or those who are farther away send thoughtful cards. I have come to realize that a God who has put such wonderful, caring people in my life is a God who truly is mindful of me and is reaching out to comfort me.
So thank you to all you who are reading this. All the love and service you provide is an answer to my prayers, and you are truly angels sent from my loving God to be with me during this difficult time. God bless you all! And seriously, if you ever need me to return the favor, please don't hesitate to ask.
With much love,
Makenna
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